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dear nice person,

here is my brief 10 year professional history--you wanted to know, now you shall my pal.

i am a "toy" of the universe. i have no control over any of this and frankly i can't believe this has happened.

i had a very successful business in 1998. i owned lotsa things...it was blooming. then i met a man who was the guru i had looked for in business. he was the ceo of a major animation company and owned a magazine.

i was naive or just stupid.

after about 5 months going back and forth he hired me, spring 99. he didn't want me to continue my business, i got rid of all my employees and thought i was moving in a new direction. one that was a dream come true. the way he spun it...it was supposed to be.

i received accolades...created business plans, developed a volunteer program for their mostly eastern european employees, etc... and put on a premiere party for one of their shows.

few very long reasons why i left there.....two weeks after i left, he called to hire me to revive his 6 day animation festival for the industry. by now we are in the fall of 1999.

again---angels singing a chance to make my dreams come true. he also wanted to start a business with me too.

i will spare you the hollywood drama and his personal drama--because by the time i left i was a stressed out mess. i had put every bit of myself into that job.....this was late spring 2000. (it actually would make for a good plot)

i did have a couple months in which i did a freelance event for jackie goldberg--bitch and a half to do it, but it was a big fundraiser for an afterschool program.

i owned my own house and a condo at this time by the way....had to sell off the condo and live off my mutual funds, plus i was at least still getting a good bit of child support.

couple of months...i was director of marketing at a dot.com. they burned thru their 2 mil in 2 months, again jobless, along with everyone else. then another dot.com, director of marketing--dating service owned by major, major jackass who started the first video dating service in the 70s. i do keep in touch with him too...but he too ran thru all of his money so i was unemployed over the holidays in 2000 along with the rest of the staff.

In 2001, one of my old clients asked me to do marketing and promotions for a new line of jeans...i ended up doing promotions, event marketing, co-marketing, pr, etc...for them in texas and oklahoma. they paid me a whopping 2k a month (i have taken so many pay cuts and steps backwards at this point, i cannot get a heartbeat for doing it again)...i had to sell my house, got rid of extra vehicles, etc...

9/11 hit....and that was it. all marketing efforts ceased.

fast forward over the next several months of unemployment...to april 02. put an event on for AFI....then met a woman who i partnered with for a year doing restaurant PR including 5 McCormick and Schmicks....that lasted until we could not last as partners spring 2003.

here i am with no income again...finally land a job with software company as director of sales and marketing in may 03. this was another joke--took massive pay cut....and had nothing to do except put on out of state users group conference. i was to write a marketing plan, but the CEO could never figure out the direction of the company....other issues with not making money as a business (had to do with him fucking off and not selling plus not releasing new versions of software) so they did not need my position--after all THERE WAS nothing to market. plus i was selling equipment for them and making a low commission on that--but it was not worth the money to pay me to sell the equipment.

now we arrive in mid 2004...jobless....selling everything that is left that i own.....

my parents say...why don't you do your cookie biz. they gave me a teeny bit of seed money and until dec 05, i did what i could. i needed a lot more money than i had....i had interest from cold stone creamery--they liked my cookies. i had several wholesale accounts, universal studios and toyota corporate...looked good from the outside, but that x-mas no presents, no tree and an overdrawn checking account....

which is how i came to auto mart. another cut in pay and a job i could do in my sleep.

if someone would have told me this in 1998....i never would have stopped my biz...i had a successful design, marketing and print brokering company---and at this point, i can't get my pulse up to do anything looking as a demotion again.

it is beyond ego, it is there is no drive left to rebuild. i have rebuilt, i have done what i had to do....and it has all lead me right back here.

this time has afforded me soul searching...i was in a panic a few times took what i had to in the past...but there has to come a day when that stops, when i am not forced to take a shitty job or position....and if all i am thrown are shitty things, then i know i will be right back here. and i cannot be here again.

so...if i end up in a cardboard box, decorating the walls with pressed flowers, McDonald's burger wrappers for curtains and flooring made of a glad bag, so be it!

You wanted the story, now you have it! Hope you have enjoyed.

i think i need a nap now.