Surrender if only for today

I believe sometimes you just have to surrender. Put down the rubberband and spit wads.

Fighting, struggling expending energy toward an invisible obstacle or I should say intangible.....is sometimes more defeating than giving up.

The thing is even though I'm seriously depressed (please, some days you just gotta admit it!) and have no energy....it doesn't mean I'll accept table scraps either-those days are OVER. I'd rather be with nothing than to hold onto an ice cube of a promise.

When I went to re-read the self help books and spiritual guides, it was funny, I wanted the "next step" in those books. What if you have already evolved to the last chapter of the book? What if you already see the world thru purple-colored glasses? And you get it molecularly, but your external environment is clearly in need of an overhaul?

I look for clues, signs, something to tell me how to "move" things. And then I feel it, the Universe sitting on my head.

Even being depressed, I realize it over and over. There is a psychic impression I have of not being able to move forth until I worked out my soul. Until I was honest enough with myself to really stop going with "what I thought I should do" as opposed to what I "want to do".

One was switching my degree from business administration to psychology. It was like my heart started to sing, it has taken me 5 years to get here and I realized it was pointless to keep earning a degree I didn't want, duh!