Back to the man with no name for a minute

That's it-I see.

When reading all the "get over him"books and knowing my own experience in getting over someone-distance and absence help. A LOT!

I read somewhere it takes 60 days of no contact to get a handle on getting over someone, that'd be great if I ever reached that goal!

I always run into him before 60 days. Even thru my best efforts to avoid a run in--he shows up regardless.

I logically wonder if this will cease. Spiritually, I can't help but ask why does he keep showing up? Did I need to suffer more? Learn more pain? Did I leave this unfinished? WTF?

Some days it plays havoc with my head.

I know I get to a place of forgetting this guy, I realize my thoughts don't include him hourly or even daily and then I run into him and WAMBAH!

Then I analyze myself.

Why?

Cuz it makes me fearful.

I am afraid to run into him again, because in my psychic retardation I feel him near--I know I will run into him again. (Toward what end, who knows?)

And then my mind gets involved, it starts thinking how it makes no difference to run into him, but to give me a heart attack. My brain thinks he probably lied and is with someone else. (really, I don't care for the most part)

My mind goes to all these scenarios, because I can't put my finger on where the fear originates.

Is it because it is random and so out of my control? Is it because I believed he was "the guy" and so now I just get to suffer when I see him?

I don't want to be punished; I've cut the cord, done rituals, saw him fly away as a balloon to the Universe and I am clear about his flaws and what worked and what didn't. No illusions.

All I want is to know why I run into someone, even when my thoughts are not on him...like I said above, and then there ... he is *poof*.

I can let it limit me geographically, but then, what is that? Not a way to live-or maybe I should just stay home til I'm completely over him. Sounds logical, right?

I confront that part of myself which is afraid and I'm willing to calm my fears too. It doesn't fit with how I'm trying to create positive, not scenarios that bring me down.

Great if he is karma, but the ball is not in my court. It is most definitely in his without getting into detail here. And all I care about is leaving the past behind, and most days I have.