Dogs et al.

So, when I got home last night after being out with friends and proceeding to engage in a major meltdown, I reached down inside myself and pulled it all up!

I opened up to every wish, I even, sort of... kind of... believed to have buried in myself and I wrote each one down, cut up the paper into strips and put them in my wishing shrine box. I then proceeded to light about 10 candles around the box and wished in my head, out loud and wished again.

You see, I just can't live this way anymore. I am done. Its a mantra I have repeated many times over the past year. It is beyond me to continue living in nothingness. Each time I made the statement with more meaning and now, last night, I've just snapped.

I want the external to match the internal, but even better.

Last night, I wished for a dog too. I love them. I see them and meet them all over my neighborhood, but our problem is we have a large yard and no real fencing for a dog to roam.

This morning, as I walk out the door to get my sunglasses from the car, I see an older couple walking up the street toward my house...I think , I really don't want to talk to anyone at all.
I went back inside and waited for them to pass my house.

Coast was clear, so I went outside.

I began to walk. I turn the corner and they are ahead of me walking very slowly with their terrier. A runner comes jogging by with a large dog, not on a leash. The little dog thinks its a guard dog and barks trying to chase the much larger dog.

I have now caught up to them, I am laughing in spite of my dour mood. I make a comment about the little guy being a guard dog. The little dog is sniffing everything, which is why they slowed down. They are an older Austrian couple I come to find.

I, of course, don't share the information about my dad born during WWII in Germany, nor do I mention that he is a German Jew bastard, nor do I say most of the family he knew was sent to Auschwitz for their demise and he was lucky the Quaker Organization saved his ass, putting him in an orphanage in France...a farm, where he lived as a Catholic. Nope I never mention these things, among others in our twisted history. Although, my Dad is pretty much a confirmed atheist and it is the reason I grew up without any real religion.

Anyways, the husband explains more about their 10 week old puppy. He also tells me about their dog who died 6 months ago; they both state how they have no fence either. The wife says they had to train the dogs a bit, so they know their boundaries. Neither had ever escaped.

I said, "Well that would entail me getting a smart dog, something I've never done before." We all laugh.

I'm just full of sunshine all of a sudden.

I tell the couple, my kids and I want a golden retriever, which in truth...I've just fallen in love with lots of dogs. And that was always the default dog. They both said how great Goldens are and that if they didn't have to fly to Austria often with a dog, they would have a Golden. They both stated "they're the best dogs."

We talk a bit more coming to the end of the street, headed in different directions; the wife tells me that, "she sees a dog in my future". I am almost choked on my coffee. Instead, I laughed and babbled something....I was just stuck on her last comment.

I continue walking uphill and another lady with her older Labrador, is standing in the street as he smells everything.....she says, "He just has to stop and smell everything." I tell her about the other couple,we laugh and make "aw sounds" together.