Nothing-ness

So,

In terms of signs or anything looking like a wish coming true, I'd have to say it was a day of nothing-ness.

Begging the question, what is different now than in the past? What will change in my wishing for something from the past when I wished for things?

My wishes have gone largely unfulfilled over the years. There were lists I wrote in the past. There were things I wanted more than anything and none of it came about, not even in a way that you could say, "gee that came true, maybe not the way I pictured it, but hey, it came true".

I have a high degree of skepticism. I have a high degree of believing a lot of what I wish for is way beyond my control, because I can create some luck, I can work hard and look at everything as an opportunity, but when you take things on and they sort of disintegrate before your eyes..you sort of have to wonder.

I don't think my judgment is any worse than anyone else on the planet.

I just find it disheartening at times to have had so many things which looked promising fall flat.

Maybe, I expect my wishes to be granted too quickly? 13 years is not quick.

I believe in what I am asking for, but it is beyond me to go force it to be real.