The Universe

I am of the spiritual belief that the universe has forced me to go thru this period of nothingness again, toward a lesson in attaining happiness.

This is not a thought process or analysis. It is completely from a spiritual perspective. Another gauge is by how my body responds, am I real tired, experience an extreme malaise at the thought of striking out in a certain direction? Or am I energized at the thought?

If I take emotion and logic away, then this is the truth from the gut and my attuned antenna:

1. I'm clear that I can no longer take a job doing something I may be good at, but carries too much strife within its' walls, so that I'm blocked from carrying out my responsibilities.
2. I can't lie to myself and say: I belong in a corporation. Nor can I be in an office 5 days a week, maybe 2-3, but no way in hell can I do "5".
3. I changed my degree major. After 5 fucking years, of being bored to tears trying to get my business degree, I had to admit what sung to me-it was either psychology or design. All of a sudden, the gray faded and I was alive at the thought.
4. Different priorities than the past: wife before career, rather than the other way around.
   
5. I know what I want in a man. I know the "5 basic musts" for me to get past a first date.
6. I am ready to get married, it only took all these years.
7. Family, friends and then everything else.
8. Entertaining at home and helping others, I see it personally and professionally.
9. What drive? All my drive got up and left, at least the "drive" I believed in for so many years. Driven for the wrong reasons. Now when I go, it will resonate with my passion.
10. I move at a different pace. When I try to change it, Universe erects a brick wall, OUCH!
    

I receive this information on a psychic level.
And it resonates with my gut. NOT MY HEAD. Just like my proclamation about marrying someone whom I'm not seeing and to be honest, not really sure if I heard from him, that I'd date him, let alone freakin' marry the dude.

Another psychic seed that I try to ignore, because it scares the shit out of me:

I don't feel like I'm EVER going to work in a traditional job until I get my graduate degrees! How's that for frightening?! Not my head again, because I put my resume out all the time.

I also get that I'm going to be married to someone who will allow me the luxury of not killing myself working 9 to5 and going after my dream. Yeah, that sounds real, huh?

I'll be getting married rather quickly once in a relationship. Ooo-kkk-aaa-yyy, sure.

I also get that with my psychology degrees, I will help people not just through counseling, but writing books, conducting research studies and traveling doing lectures. This scenario doesn't freak me out, it brings me a deep sense of peace. Plus, I'll have a supportive husband by my side.

BUT, what about reality-land?

The one or two times I have an interview, the opportunity to make my income again-just dies. I know my jobs were just a band aid, because I had to put food on the table. I get I can't give into that again, BUT what am I getting by listening to my gut or the radio feed? Scared...yet peaceful.

Amazing, it switches back and forth from freaked out about money and having very little to do, to complete peace with the entire situation.