diet and running

Other un-kind habits and patterns I had taken up since teenage-hood:

Now that I have been making cracks in that mirror and really paying attention to these handcuffs I had attached to sadness and aloneness.

I gotta be nice to myself.

My injury has also had me drop the identity of runner. In dropping it, I mourned. Now, I look at it HONESTLY, it helped me to stay attractive. I do love running for a lot of reasons. But, at my core it was about weight control. It was about me believing I wasn't good enough if I gained weight. It was about me believing I was BAD if I didn't run, if I missed my run. Cuz, what if I got fat? Oh no, not that! The self aggredation, I had... it is gone.

I no longer beat myself up over these things all the time. If I start to for any reason give myself a hard time, I stop. I am kind to me. Period.

So, now, I am trying to eat healthy, walk, go to the gym, work out with weights and see where it goes from there.

I like my new lack of identity. I am liking everything about my life. I would love to not be dead broke, but I can't do anything about it, but what I do everyday now.