Going to see the author

I made an appointment to meet with the woman who wrote the book I am currently reading and performing exercises in conjunction with to be as OPEN as can be to the man I am about to meet and eventually marry. I walked around yesterday, knowing I had to dump something that has been hanging…knowing it was this “load”, but not able to understand what exactly the connection was internally.

I went to the chiropractor yesterday. I have so much in common with his wife. He informed me that I will be running a marathon with him, because my ass will be fixed soon (hmmm–glad he is optimistic). Anyway, I am searching most of the day for the “key” to unlock the shiteous feeling I am experiencing. As I walk out of the doc’s office, I experience a click–the emotional click! YAY! Intellectual clicks don’t solve the problem, emotional ones…you know you are on the road.

I realized the guy was a punishment. The whole thing was about me being punished. I figured it out awhile ago intellectually, but I couldn’t budge it on an emotional level. The whole relationship and psychic connection has been about me needing to be punished, left over from childhood. I was always wrong, always in trouble….not born right according to the parents. Anyways, I am not going thru this shit to be a VICTIM, I am stating it for the purpose of a very short explanation.

Anyways, I felt really calm since then, there is still something else there in relation to the guy. I get some of it now, which gives me hope that he will be entirely dropped from my psyche sooner rather than later.

So, when I go see the author on Wednesday…I will either have already met the guy or she can give me the last shove I need (she is also a coach and a psychotherapist)…and then the door will be wide open.

Funny thing is the spiritual community she belongs to keeps coming up everywhere I go lately too. Strange stuff, huh? Even on Facebook. I am connected to someone who is going to watch Oprah, and I look at who the guest is…it is the leader of the spiritual community. Too funny. We’ll see what else takes place.