Greatness and Anxiety

If you admire greatness in another human being, it is your own greatness you are seeing.-Debbie Ford

I believe that statement, because of my belief in mirrors we provide for one another each day. Today has been a bit if a challenge. I do not understand when my brain is not sharing the body sensations. I keep stopping to look and see if I can put my finger on the "feelings" which are casting a shadow upon my activity today.

I cannot nail what it is, but I know it is related to the "guy". It is shit like this which makes me CRAZY! There is no logic. There is no sentimental reminiscing going on. There is no future fantasy. There is no current moment of wanting him to show up on my doorstep. NONE OF THESE THOUGHTS HAVE CROSSED MY MIND TODAY! NONE!

It is this pervasive, insidious slithering of underlying connection...to... a feeling... that is wanting to be noticed. What is the feeling? To describe it, would be like a pulling on my soul...a tug at my heart...a kiss in my ear...a feeling trying to beat its way into my home. And why? I have no idea. It is days like this where I am certifiable. Cuz, I cannot allow it or not allow it...neither one resolves the "feeling". It is like being stuck in quicksand, where can you go and what can you do? All it comes back to is...this isn't done! And I want to throw large pieces of furniture out of my window.

I am done. I have been done. Maybe my karma is not? Maybe he is not? Maybe I just need psychiatric help?

I am not pining or wanting. I am not thinking he is the man for me on a logical plane.

All I know, is today I am anxious. Today I am waiting to see the miracles I have cleared my house and emotional baggage for to finally pick up their pace and come racing in to greet me.

I have no baggage for this man or about what we had, I forgave it...I let go of it...I don't hold him to anything nor do I expect anything.

In fact, against what I said before, I figure I'd show the Universe I am opening up to other opportunities and signed onto e Harmony. My chiropractor sees people from that company as patients. He told me stories. I thought, "What the heck, got nothing but $60.00 to lose (like I can afford it)". I filled out the personality quiz, which is such a bunch of horseshit, but "hey" I am being VERY open. I am going with the top of my list "want" in a man...KINDNESS. I am being real about myself and what I want, so we'll see if I get to be one of their 450 success stories one month.

Meanwhile, I have lit 8 or so candles, a basic inferno in my room, which I promised to stay out of, but for the purposes of intention, I need the physical proximity at least for a moment, to them.I am burning down any resistance, blowing open all doors to opportunity and standing by as I courageously allow myself and push myself into an uncomfortable space to grow...so I can fucking meet the bitchin' dude, already!

I am fucking ready and waiting babe! Where the hell are you? :-)