Super Amplified Pursuit of Air

So, this book included another burning ceremony. The list was "I release" and "I embrace". Being the detailed person I am in not wanting the Universe to mistakenly think I was okay with holding onto any old, detrimental patterns in the pursuit of my intention, I think I burned extra doses of "releasing". I wrote the same thing, but just changed a few words around to make sure my ass is covered.

We'll see. I am feeling a VERY intense feeling the past 48 hours. Almost overwhelming in how I am sooooooooo dedicated to my life taking a turn for the better, it is like wanting to rip the seams of my old existence out of my hemline, actually forget that! I just wanna rip the whole dress off and go find a better looking, better fitting one.

I find I have little patience for manipulation or for the normal dating games. An example, there is this one guy on eHarmony, who checked out my profile 30 seconds after I joined. He did not contact me. I contacted him in my flurry of "icebreakers". He responded with "let's chat". I responded later that day with "the next step". I also saw he checked my profile again after my sending him the next step. Have I heard from him? No. I state this as an example, for two reasons. The first: I was not wanting to pre-judge him, he is very attractive and I normally would never have contacted him. I already think men that are good looking tend to be jerks, airheads or looking for Ms.Perfect. My openness to a new kind of package does not just include men who may not be as attractive as I like, but men who are more attractive then I like. So, his lack of response confirms that belief. I don't want it to, but frankly if he saw my profile and is not responding then that leads me to Number 2: I am so very, very not interested in anyone contacting me who does not want to or thinks playing the "wait, don't be overanxious, I am a cool dude game" is intriguing. I just want down to earth and low maintenance. This is already a high maintenance sort of thing.

So, I should just close it and be done. That would be "new: for me too. You see, I am trying to be as authentic with myself in showing I stand behind my intention of having Mr.Wunderbar in my life. Does that include "X-ing" out the guy who seems to be rolling up my welcome mat?

I am looking for a glimmer of synchronicity today, just a drop to show me it is all good and headed toward the goal. Then I will continue to break my old behaviors, set up by the insecurity of rejection and the belief I was to be alone. Difficult to believe I carried this crap since I was a small kid.