A paradox, a metaphor or just crazy?

I was reading something on Facebook, there was "last guy's" first name. I walked with my friend this morning, his car was everywhere. His last name all over the place and the initial of his first name. Later in the day, a vehicle same year, model and color was driving right towards me at full speed.

This is nothing of course, and I can accept that those things could be manufactured by an overactive imagination.

I can't get past the other stuff, which is pounding itself into me. Like, how did I know I would run into him on the days I did? How?

How did he contact me, even when we were dating like he knew I was thinking of "exiting stage left". I can see these things happening once, but several times....hmmm.

I remember one time when I was tired of the situation of push/pull....and he sent me a text one night, all it said was "hi". I just looked at it and rolled over going to sleep. The next morning, I got up to run at a random time. I was thinking, I am over this whole situation with Mr.Indecisive...only to be on a quiet road in which I have never seen him on and have him cross my path...and then spend the day with me--introducing me to his Dad and others. I have a WHOLE box full of those Hallmark moments.

He is connected to me, even when I chopped that fucking umbilical cord a million times and lit it ablaze and sent him off to God/Universe to deal with...in terms of trying to unlock my tortured soul from this predicament.

I remember one time this past Summer walking with "D"; I was telling her I finally felt free of him...totally blissful. About 30 minutes later...here he comes in his vehicle on the other side of the road. He stops traffic and is way overly excited to see me (according to "D", who wasn't sure who he was, what he wanted, but thought he was going to ask me out--cuz he was just like a little kid wanting his favorite candy). I am standoffish and in my head asking the Universe, "WHY"!!!!

It makes me think a larger hand is at work here.

He is definitely a magnet whom I can sense almost all the time.

Even when I have burnt a million candles, not had a conscious thought of him and even had those fleeting moments when I think, "Finally, I am over him." Only to have within seconds a message from him or him crossing my path. It is almost ridiculously comical.

The fates are having their way with me, I have fought it and surrendered, repeated the process and here I am again. He is not a bad guy. He was just a guy who couldn't do a serious relationship months ago. Maybe now he can? I don't know, time will tell.

I started writing this blog tonight, because I was sitting here getting completely weirded out; I have never had so many coincidences with anyone in my life! Ever!

What does it mean? I have no fucking clue. Am I supposed to learn something? And what about the funky ass feeling I have when I date other men. It isn't that I compare him to them. Nor is it that I wish they were him, it is this unmistakable feeling of...I belong with him. Which just pisses me the hell off!

He always said we were just alike, twins. We are only 8 days apart. He was the one who thought we were perfect each other, before I even noticed. I can't help but wonder though, what is the point of having this man show up in my life? Okay, let's say to be with him or to learn something about myself. I am alright with either, but seriously.....I need a clue at this point. Which is it? And then give me another hint, as to either keeping my sanity or some direction on the lesson so I can learn and move on.

People who I start telling these stories to think he must stalk me, but all of it is too random to have been planned out by either of us.

Oh my God, even as I write this, I know I meant to be with him. That is the feeling that comes up from my gut and washes over me. I am thinking of committing myself to an institution at this point. I'll get 3 meals and hopefully a room with a view of a nice pond with ducks.