Going to sleep

This has been a challenging day.

My life is irrevocably changing again, which after all of the clawing and fighting to maintain what I had built....it is really not a "fairy tale" ending.

But, part of me is ambivalent, worn out, beaten up and trying to maintain a sense of happiness.

I believe this new business could take off given the right amount of time and space, but on the other hand I am so jaded that until I hear from the "proposed client" and others he knows...I won't hold my breath.

I have been on the merry go round too many times.

I spoke with my friend K tonight. She is feeling finally over a man who she spent 5 years with, broke up with him for a variety of "smart" reasons, second-guessed herself a year later and wanted him back. For the next year, he managed to play games with her head. She finally is ready and wants the calm peaceful relationship, one which comes with someone who can and will commit--cuz they want to be there. Hmmm...sounds emotionally healthy, huh!

It is all I have time for at this point, but since I have so far been retarded in my own ability to decipher good from scary....I hope it surprises the hell out of me! A nice conversation with someone who can have a conversation....that would be engaging. I don't look for a guy to relate like a woman, but like a guy with a brain...ya know?

I will put anything that I attract to me here. Whether it is a job, work, vacation, money, a man, other people, friends, etc... I want to record it and hopefully the tide will turn and things will go in an upswing.

It would be fun to record all the gifts I am given!