shoot me...i am dead ..... inside

so i am having a funeral for my "internal"...since apparently there has already been a funeral for any life i had as i knew t or hoped it to be....

seems like i was late to the party (what party? the one in which everyone went home with a prize) and all the cake was eaten.....the carrot sticks were all that was left with no ranch, hmmm....i'll pass.

nothing is improving. seemed liked this biz may have had potential, but it is a slow start...and one in which i have no money. i have keep giving it up and back to the universe. because i have reached a point where i don't know.

i know nothing.

i am moving for the 6th time in 13 years....i have no money. no real job. no home. no mate. no....and i think abundantly, i made space for the abundance....i mean really working on it for a year--breaking my ass and re-breaking it until i felt like i had a grasp on my shit.

only to realize...the amount of peace and clarity i have does nothing to further my life in a positive direction. nothing.

i have become nothing.

don't know the instruction manual to become something.