not an amusement park

I am waiting for my friend "C" to get here....she is only 3 hours late. Not sure how she equates this out in her head, but she is the one who made early plans only to not be here.

But, now that I say that I remember some specific information about her self-centeredness in regard to other people's time. My friend "M" was here earlier, we will be putting together a package to pitch and get her on tv....I think we have a winner!

So, things have been to hell and back this last week. I have at least to report another day of being over the dumbass. Thankfully, he is hardly a thought in my head. The strategy of going through the emotions, not building false hope, not living in a past fantasy and truly looking at "it" and him for what he was and what he was not for me....I can say again and again--nothing to offer, he has nothing I want.

So, "R" and I had a nice conversation last night. He's really nice, but I am a libra and he is an aquarian...he uses words larger than 3 syllables. Sort of funny, who ever thought my ex-husband's best friend would be an option. He is the one leading the way, but we talked for a few hours on the phone last night--it was fun! He wants to and HE DOES travel all over, he is not Mr.Baggage....he's capable of a relationship.....not that I know it will go that way, he was just refrshing to talk to...and that was cool.

Saw my client today, he referred me another possible client. Got some money, if my landlord ever gets back to me, I'll know if it is even a deal or if I am moving in 2 weeks. Living in this weird "na-na" land...is excruciating....I still cannot believe my meltdown and move toward killing myself was last Saturday--it has been a long climb out of rock bottom this week and I am not out yet.

I don't want to move, I will do whatever I have to try and hold on here. There has to be a way.

My daughters are pretty much vacant...after the hysteria of last Saturday morning, they apparently don't have any regrets yet...well my youngest was the hysteria, the older one can't deal with emotions...nice to be abandoned by two out of three kids when you really need them. my son is awesome, he'll be home for Spring break....and I pretty much like living by myself here. Who ever would have thought that????

I am hoping I can stay here and that I don't have to move. I will have a nervous breakdown if things go downhill again....I am at my wits end.