Truth

Interestingly enough, as I get further away from last Saturday when I completely lost it....I seem to have not gotten that loving feeling back for the "clueless" one. It is sort of amazing when I give it a minute that I don't really think of him at all. And if my mind skirts the man, it seems a nano-second of "Oh yeah....nothing to offer", along with how the incredible selfishness in and out of the bedroom, lack of being able to speak like a normal person, inability to be honest with himself or anyone else, very small-minded in scope of the world and total emotional immaturity (probably 12 years old) comes to mind and it dies from there....I could go on listing everything that comes to mind. Unfortunately, any good which came from it, was to me, not real. It feels like the whole thing was fake.

It has taught me that there are no guarantees.That I may be highly tuned in, but still could be wrong. It has taught me others who are tuned in can still be wrong, very wrong.

I feel totally upended with my living conditions at this point. Haven't heard from landlord since yesterday when I sent him over actual numbers for reduced rent.

I need to get a check from my client tomorrow. I am really liking living here alone and DO NOT want to move until I get married or move in with my upcoming boyfriend.

My internal life is shifting in a way I could not have predicted, maybe last Saturday I did die...and it has been a recovery ever since, but it is a new "me" which has been born.